When I was young I lived in Pataya with my mom and dad. They have a diving company not so far away from the beach about 200m. Mom didn’t met dad until she finish school, she were at Bangkok doing worked. Then one of my mom friends Ood ask her too move to my dad diving shop. Then my dad asks my mom out, they were going so well and they have a baby named Oscar he is a very smart kids. Then they had a very big fight and they split apart. My mom brings me to Phuket and tries to open a dive shop, she has fiend named Ood she own that dive shop. Mom and Ood are good friends for so long they met each other in my dad shop to. I was one years and a hafe when my mom first open the shop at first there was no customer at all. But its get better after, at first in Chalong they don’t have any dive shop at all but after a few years. It’s like the best dive place that they can find a boat to go to some where. And my mom bought four house around there now I lived there but soon I will moved to shop where else.

Hi Oscar, You wrote:

When I was young I lived in Patya with my mom and dad they have a diving company. Mom didn’t met dad until she finish school, and worked in my dad diving shop, they were going so well and they have a baby named Oscar he is a very smart kids. Then they had a very big fight and they split apart. [NPMy mom brings me to Phuket and tries to open a dive shop, she has fiend named Ood she own that dive shop. Mom and Ood are good friends for so long they met each other in my dad shop to. I was one years and a hafe when my mom first open the shop at first there was no customer at all. But its get better after, at first in Chalong they don’t have any dive shop at all but after a few years. It’s like the best dive place that they can find a boat to go to some where. And my mom bought four house around there now I lived there but soon I will moved to shop where else.

When I was young I lived in Patya with my mom and dad they have a diving company. – Runon sentence, spelling mistake

Mom didn’t met dad until she finish school, and worked in my dad diving shop, they were going so well and they have a baby named Oscar he is a very smart kids. – Runon sentence, tense, number agreement

My mom brings me to Phuket and tries to open a dive shop, she has fiend named Ood she own that dive shop. – Runon sentence, tense, spelling

Mom and Ood are good friends for so long they met each other in my dad shop to. – tense, complicated phrase

I was one years and a hafe when my mom first open the shop at first there was no customer at all. – spelling, tense, complicated phrase

But its get better after, at first in Chalong they don’t have any dive shop at all but after a few years. – runon sentense, number agreement

It’s like the best dive place that they can find a boat to go to some where. – too many prepositions

And my mom bought four house around there now I lived there but soon I will moved to shop where else. – number agreement, runon sentence, tense, complicated phrase

Don’t forget to include photos. These will help the readers to identify the characters in your narrative, you, your Mum, your Dad and Ood. Make these changes quickly because you have a lot of work to do.

Mr. Andrew

Nearly all of my entire life, I have lived in this wonderful island named Phuket. My neighborhood is all nice to me. Everyone who lives in Chalong know me because of my aunt, in my soi there is a lot of Dive Company and bar. I when I was younger I used to run on the bridged and have fun with my family nearly every day, but now I don’t run any more, my mom worked at a shop called Hot Wave it’s a customs made wetsuit, it’s very sheep. I like to stay chlong because I know many people around there, now my aunt bought me a bike so I can go some where far away from my house. Every night I sleep at chlong and catch a ride on a school bus to school and back. I wish my mom let me ride my bike to school, but she said it’s too dangerous to drive to school because in the mooring every one drive fast to get to woke or drop there kids to school. I don’t like to do home work at my house because my mom like to check my home work  all the time, but I like to do and my friends house, every day I need to be home before night if I take my bike out to some where. If I dint stay at my house for long I will missed my house.