Hi Oscar, You wrote:

When I was young I lived in Patya with my mom and dad they have a diving company. Mom didn’t met dad until she finish school, and worked in my dad diving shop, they were going so well and they have a baby named Oscar he is a very smart kids. Then they had a very big fight and they split apart. [NPMy mom brings me to Phuket and tries to open a dive shop, she has fiend named Ood she own that dive shop. Mom and Ood are good friends for so long they met each other in my dad shop to. I was one years and a hafe when my mom first open the shop at first there was no customer at all. But its get better after, at first in Chalong they don’t have any dive shop at all but after a few years. It’s like the best dive place that they can find a boat to go to some where. And my mom bought four house around there now I lived there but soon I will moved to shop where else.

When I was young I lived in Patya with my mom and dad they have a diving company. – Runon sentence, spelling mistake

Mom didn’t met dad until she finish school, and worked in my dad diving shop, they were going so well and they have a baby named Oscar he is a very smart kids. – Runon sentence, tense, number agreement

My mom brings me to Phuket and tries to open a dive shop, she has fiend named Ood she own that dive shop. – Runon sentence, tense, spelling

Mom and Ood are good friends for so long they met each other in my dad shop to. – tense, complicated phrase

I was one years and a hafe when my mom first open the shop at first there was no customer at all. – spelling, tense, complicated phrase

But its get better after, at first in Chalong they don’t have any dive shop at all but after a few years. – runon sentense, number agreement

It’s like the best dive place that they can find a boat to go to some where. – too many prepositions

And my mom bought four house around there now I lived there but soon I will moved to shop where else. – number agreement, runon sentence, tense, complicated phrase

Don’t forget to include photos. These will help the readers to identify the characters in your narrative, you, your Mum, your Dad and Ood. Make these changes quickly because you have a lot of work to do.

Mr. Andrew